Dear Dad.
So its been 2 years. Feels like an eternity. I need you more right now than ever. and I know you need me to be better. I try every day to find a way to let go. I hate Cancer. I hate that it killed you. I hate that it took you away from my kids. I hate that it took you away from Mike. We all miss you so much.
I try to not live with regrets, and the only thing I can think is to appologize for them.
I am sorry that I drove fast as a teenager. I am sorry I didn't believe you about leopards not changing their spots (Boys). I am sorry that I stayed out late and made you worry. I am sorry I quit golf. I am sorry I ran your Honda into the garage. I am sorry that I got rid of Neeko. I am sorry that I moved away from you. I am sorry I didn't drive to Boise and make you go to different doctors sooner. I am sorry I couldn't be with you those last days. I am sorry I wouldn't say it was ok to let go. I am sorry you never got to see Tristan. I am sorry that I haven't been the strong woman that you raised me to be during this.
I was strong because you were by my side every step, every moment of my life. The constant void next to me never goes un noticed. I try to let Mike fill that void. but its not the same. You were the one, that at every bump in the road that said "F%#K EM" For some reason that always made everything better.
I want to go home. I feel you want to go home too. We were better there.
Yesterday I heard a mother say to her 5 year old son, "I love you more than you'll ever know"
It made me step back and think how true that statement is.. When you are a child you have NO IDEA how much your parents really loved you. I know now how much you loved me. I hope you know how much I loved you. Its more than you'll ever know. I miss you so much. I want you back. You were my best friend. A great father, and a great man. No one will ever know what you meant to me. I love you Dad.
