The lottery. My life would be PERFECT if I didn't have debt and bills! I have the best Husband, best kids ever, and a perfect-for-me house, perfect-for-me car, perfect job, perfect little life...
But theres this whole other side I hate called "Reality of being an adult"
I remember my parents talking about this....
You guessed it, today was payday...and that was shortlived, I watched in walk in- and walk RIGHT back out of my checkbook! Booo!!!
I don't want to be a millionaire by any means, just want enough to pay the debts I have and work just for entertainment and to do fun things with my kids.
I guess I will just keep buying tickets and praying... pathetic I know.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Remember that minute
That I spoke of in my first post...I really need it today.
Just one more minute with my Dad...
Today I am having a hard time with it all. I've been sitting here at my desk in tears several times, trying to keep from choking. No idea why, nothing in particular has happened.
I just miss him, terribly....
I think maybe its finally hitting me that he's actually gone, and never coming back. the juvenile side of me has firmly believed one day he would just appear and this was all a really bad dream....
Just one more minute with my Dad...
Today I am having a hard time with it all. I've been sitting here at my desk in tears several times, trying to keep from choking. No idea why, nothing in particular has happened.
I just miss him, terribly....
I think maybe its finally hitting me that he's actually gone, and never coming back. the juvenile side of me has firmly believed one day he would just appear and this was all a really bad dream....
Why can't my brain be a memory stick..
While I think I have a really great memory, its the most important things in life I can't seem to pull out of mothballs...
Last night at 1:32 am I was feeding Tristan laying in bed. He is the sweetest baby ever, and had his little hands linked, as if he was praying and was just nursing away... While I normally am begging to go back to sleep, I just layed there staring at his precious face and those little hands... I just started praying myself... "God please let me remember this moment forever"
Its not one of those moments you have a camera near by, ya know.
I am sure I had a million moments like that with Delaney and I just can't seem to remember how it all felt and looked. I would give anything to have those memories back, and now I am afraid I won't remember how Tristan looks, feels, and smells. It is not only bittersweet, but somewhat heartbreaking...
Last night at 1:32 am I was feeding Tristan laying in bed. He is the sweetest baby ever, and had his little hands linked, as if he was praying and was just nursing away... While I normally am begging to go back to sleep, I just layed there staring at his precious face and those little hands... I just started praying myself... "God please let me remember this moment forever"
Its not one of those moments you have a camera near by, ya know.
I am sure I had a million moments like that with Delaney and I just can't seem to remember how it all felt and looked. I would give anything to have those memories back, and now I am afraid I won't remember how Tristan looks, feels, and smells. It is not only bittersweet, but somewhat heartbreaking...
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